The Hard Truth About People-Pleasing
(And the story of how it almost ruined my career.)
We love to joke about being a people-pleaser.
“Haha, I’m such a people-pleaser!”
…as we agree to things we absolutely do not want to do.
But here’s the truth no one likes to say out loud:
It’s not that funny.
Not when it costs you your time, energy, peace, and sometimes… your actual job.
Because people-pleasing isn’t kindness.
It’s self-abandonment in disguise.
When Pleasing People Became a Full-Time Job (Minus the Paycheck)
Let me tell you about the time I ignored every single red flag — and paid for it.
I was working in film production in Budapest, juggling deadlines and chaos like a pro.
One day, a producer pulled me aside and offered me a very special side project.
“Just you. No support. Oh, and don’t tell anyone.”
My gut reaction?
Absolutely not.
But instead of saying that, I smiled, ignored every intuitive NO in my body, and said:
“Yeah, I can do it.”
Classic people-pleaser.
The result?
– My actual job got neglected.
– I drowned in stress.
– Deadlines piled up like dirty laundry.
– And no one came to rescue me when the consequences hit.
Sure, I got a compliment.
A moment of external praise.
But it came at the expense of everything else. And the fallout?
Not worth it.
Read This Before You Say Yes Again
People-pleasing isn’t a personality quirk.
It’s a learned survival strategy rooted in fear:
Fear of disappointing someone
Fear of being labelled “difficult”
Fear that love and approval are conditional
And often? That fear started early.
Maybe your childhood taught you that saying no was selfish.
Maybe being a “good kid” meant keeping the peace, not speaking up.
Maybe society reinforced it — especially for women — with messages like:
Be helpful.
Be agreeable.
Be likeable.
Don’t make a fuss.
But here’s the truth:
Saying yes when your whole body is screaming NO doesn’t make you helpful.
It makes you resentful. Burnt out. Disconnected from yourself.
This Isn’t Just About Work
People-pleasing shows up everywhere:
Saying yes to plans you dread
Taking on tasks that aren't your responsibility
Staying silent when your needs aren’t met
Smiling through discomfort to avoid being seen as “too much”
Every time you do it, you send yourself a message:
“Your peace doesn’t matter. Everyone else comes first.”
And that?
That’s how we end up exhausted, bitter, and wondering why no one sees how much we’re holding.
So… What Do We Do?
We break the cycle — gently, but firmly.
Start with one powerful question:
“If saying yes to them means saying no to me… is it worth it?”
If the answer is no — then maybe, just maybe, it’s time to let your no be heard.
Not everyone will like your boundaries.
But the right people?
They’ll respect them.
All my love
Savanna
✨My eBook No Is Not a Bad Word helps you set boundaries, deal with guilt, and actually feel good about it.
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💌 Share this with your bestie who always wishes she’d said something but didn’t